I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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