Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
