i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm at about main and main street
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize