Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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