I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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