that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
