How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
