i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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