if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
