i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
