Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
