just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
