You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This baby is an asshole
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
