broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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