fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
