Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
