as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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