Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
