He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
