There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
