I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
