Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
