we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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