You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
