ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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