My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
