I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
