Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
