i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize