If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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