Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
