I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
