Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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