Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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