we're chasing vodka with high fives
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
