I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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