I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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