Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
