You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
