Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
