She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
