i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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