Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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