It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
