Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
