haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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