Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
