In the future we'll all be gay
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
