bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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