I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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