After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
