My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
