How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize