Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
