The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
