Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
