All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize