toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
