foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He felt like a one man threesome
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
