Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize