It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
