I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
