My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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