If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
