he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
