my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
