idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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