The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
