I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
