2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
