1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
