as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
