i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
