so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
