don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
