my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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