Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
