I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Welp...herpes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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