hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
