I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
