it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize