I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
