the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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