I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
