So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
