Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
