Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
