Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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