I must be too annoying 4 u.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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