I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
