your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
