Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize