I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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