You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
