This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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