And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize