Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
