Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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