Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
