I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We just shotgunned beers for America
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
